For My Hannah :)

So I was sitting at my daughter's indoor soccer game yesterday and I suddenly had an epiphany. You know, one of those "Oh my God! I'm ruining my child and I didn't even realize it" moments. OK, come on. I know I'm not the only one who has these moments. I was watching her as she played goalie. This is her first year playing indoor, and her team is playing up. She was out there on the field with girls twice her size, who obviously have way more experience. She had allowed two goals and was still looking determined and strong. In that moment I thought how incredibly proud I was of her. It was also that moment that all the negative feelings I have about my body rushed to my mind and was  mortified that this is what my kids see. I'd like to think I'm careful about what I say in front of Hannah, but she's a smart girl and I know she picks up on way more than I think. So, with all the effort I've put into telling her how beautiful, smart and kind she is. And after pounding into all of their heads that what makes a person beautiful is their heart; how they treat others and certainly not their physical appearance. In the meantime I'm consistently down on my appearance. We are teaching the kids that a good, balanced diet is important to stay healthy. And I know I'm healthy. My annual physical says I'm I'm excellent health.  Yet I know they've all heard me say more than once that my butt is way too big. I think it hit me more while I was watching my sweet, innocent, beautiful 8 year old daughter because, like it or not, women get the shaft in this area. Society says we need to look a certain way and most of us, even though we say we don't buy into it, have succumbed to these ridiculous goals.

So, my first, and likely most important goal this year is to practice what I preach. Not only must I not speak negatively of myself in front of my kids, I really need to learn to accept my body. I need to celebrate who I am, where I've been, and how far I've come. Think about if Friends. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one guilty of this. I know for a fact that every woman reading this is BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING in every way. Let's celebrate that, continue to lift each other up, encourage each other and focus on health in a positive way.  Let's be strong role models for our kids. It up to us to negate the junk they are going to hear from the rest of the world. They deserve it!

What Forty Means To Me

So, here it is. Tomorrow I will be 40. That's right, the big 4-0. These last few months I've been contemplating this. I am not afraid. I am not sad. Really, when I really, REALLY think about it, the only reason I have any negative feelings surrounding this milestone, is because we're supposed to. "How do you feel?" "How are you handling it?" "Are you OK?" "Are you depressed?" So, after much thought, here's my final assessment. Bring it FORTY! Here is why...
 
From the ages o 28-34 I was pregnant and or nursing non-stop. Really, I could stop here, right??? As much as I love my kids, who in their right mind would want to go back to that???

At 40 I feel better than I ever have.
 
At 40 I am healthier than I've been since high school and have the resting heart rate of an athlete (hey, it's my birthday, I have bragging rights...and stay tuned, there will be more :))

At 40 I have 3 AMAZING kids who make me laugh and smile and work and cry and sometimes scream. I have a husband who, I can honestly say I love more than I did even 10 years ago. Thank the Lord that the man that I started dating when I was 19 and I have grown up together and melded as a couple and a team. He loves ME; fat, thin, nice, bitchy. And, he's the most amazing father there ever was. Ever. And really, who could ask for more?

Finally, at 40, I have a better understanding of who I am than I ever have. I am learning to take time for myself, to appreciate my blessings, to cry when I need, to fight for what I believe in and to reach out for help when I need it. I am learning to accept the body that has reared and nourished those three charmers and has lost 100 pounds, yet hasn't recovered as well as I'd hoped, despite my diligent efforts. This is all a work in progress but I'm hopeful that by the time I meet 50, I'll have it down :)

So forty, I welcome you. You may not know what to think of me at first but, I have no doubt we'll soon be great friends :)